


A Message to Most of the Fandom

by GeckoGirl89



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Conspiracy, Crack Treated Seriously, Fake Danny/Melissa and Steve/Lynn, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mentioned Adam/Kono, Mentioned Past Danny/Rachel, Mentioned Past Steve/Catherine, Season/Series 08, Secret Relationship, Take That - Freeform, kono pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeckoGirl89/pseuds/GeckoGirl89
Summary: "Today, we're here to talk about Steve and Danny, or as most of you guys call them, McDanno."





	A Message to Most of the Fandom

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt on comment-fic prompt "Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, No fourth wall": http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/821496.html?thread=103738360#t103738360
> 
> I basically wrote a version of this where Five-0 is still a task force, but they are also shooting a "reality" TV show with all of the shenanigans that involves (including a fandom that resembles the actual show's fandom). The only real person in this fic is Peter Lenkov, and he's mentioned as an antagonist who keeps Kono from telling the audience the truth about Steve and Danny and who keeps the status quo intact as to how the show depicts Steve and Danny along with CBS as a corporation. This fic is kind of a "take that" to some of the issues in this show, which I love in spite of its flaws.
> 
> I picture this taking place during the filming for season 8. The "spoilers" mentioned refer to the season 7 finale.

"Is this thing on? Hold on, let me adjust it."  
  
After fiddling around with her attached microphone for a bit and getting the thumbs up from the guy recording her, Kono straightened and stared directly at the camera. "Hey guys! It's me, Kono. First of all, can I just say that it's nice to have so many fans? I know this show is kind of a sausage-fest because it's your typical network TV cop show, but I'm really grateful for everyone who appreciates me."  
  
Chin walked behind her and stopped when he saw that Bob was shooting a scene with Kono but that nobody else was involved. He frowned at her in puzzlement. "Kono, what are you doing?"  
  
Kono looked toward her cousin, making sure that the camera caught her good side. "I'm talking to the audience. Wave at the audience, Chin!"  
  
Chin waved at the audience before he departed for the bullpen. "That was Chin, but you already knew that," Kono continued. "Don't worry, you'll get to see more of him later. And some more of Jerry too, for you guys who were big _Lost_ fans." She smirked. "You'll probably get a shirtless scene of Chin soon, which I know you ladies will enjoy, since a lot of you aren't exactly here for the plot." She had seen that tumblr hashtag on the scene with Chin during the Valentine's Day episode in 2016 where he was running around with that itty-bitty towel. Kono had to admit that, despite this show's flaws, it always delivered when it came to female gaze fan service.  
  
"Speaking of the plot, that's pretty weird, huh? Sometimes it seems too unrealistic, but you guys seem to stick around anyway. The season finale left some big spoilers for me and Steve, but that's not what I'm here to talk to you about today."  
  
She cleared her throat. "Alright, so this message is for the more transformative side of the fandom. Most of the guys watching this can clear out, as well as the people who are really attached to Steve/Catherine. I don't know anybody who actually ships Danny/Rachel, Danny/Melissa, or Steve/Lynn, but you guys probably won't want to hear this either."  
  
Kono waited several seconds until the aforementioned groups had a chance to leave the room so that she could deliver a private message that would still include a large part of the viewing audience.  
  
"Okay, is everyone else gone?" She looked past the camera, where Bob gave her the thumbs-up sign. "Okay, good."  
  
Kono took a deep breath as she prepared for the bulk of her speech. "Today, we're here to talk about Steve and Danny, or as most of you guys call them, McDanno. I'm sure you've noticed that these guys do _not_ seem like regular friends. To paraphrase a _Friends_ episode, when they say the word 'partner,' it doesn't sound cop; it sounds gay. Steve and Danny are pretty remarkable, even for a buddy cop show, which can be kind of slashy anyway."  
  
She paused and thought back over the years she had been in Five-0. Kono was looking for a memorable moment that would illustrate her point. "You guys probably remember the end of the 'Stakeout' episode, when I joked about Steve and Danny rekindling their romance? Well, I'm not the only one who's noticed something different about them. Chin has made some comments, as has Lou, random criminals or witnesses we've dealt with over the years, and Danny's own kids. I'd have to comb through the cast list thoroughly to find someone who hasn't at least joked about Steve and Danny."  
  
Kono felt herself growing tense, waiting for Peter Lenkov to appear out of nowhere and interrupt the taping. He usually stopped her before she got to this point, but, luckily, the coast still seemed to be clear. "It seems kind of unbelievable that Steve and Danny aren't together, right? And have you ever noticed how their most recent girlfriends are background characters we don't really know anything about and who only show up once or twice a season when it's convenient?"  
  
She looked toward the left, making absolutely sure Lenkov wasn't around, before she spoke. He would be so pissed at her for doing this, but Kono didn't care. It was time for the truth to come out.

"Well, guys, I have got to tell you that you're right. Steve and Danny are together, happy, and in love with each other. But Lenkov is a big wimp and CBS has the oldest demographic of the basic networks, so they're just not going to show it. If this show was on a different network, things would make a lot more sense, and you guys would get to see so much more than you do now. We also wouldn't have to put up with fake girlfriends to make it seem like they're straight."  
  
Kono laughed. "I mean, really? The idea that Steve and Danny are totally straight 'bros'? I can't believe anyone buys that. But I guess we have a lot of homophobic viewers because they keep hiding the fact that Steve and Danny are together, and they've only shown two background lesbian couples on this show in the seven years we've been on the air. Instead of growing a pair, Lenkov would rather cater to the lowest common denominator."  
  
Kono shook her head, feeling sad at the state of the world. "Now, don't get me wrong. There's a lot of stuff on this show that's real. The fact that we have a good ohana and that we really care about protecting the people of Hawaii comes through no matter what. But I think this show would be better if there wasn't so much selective editing. Like, okay, sure, show me spending some quality time with Adam. But also show Steve and Danny on a date or spending time with Danny's kids in a way that just doesn't tease at the idea of the family they've formed. Steve and Danny are pretty cute together, actually, and if you aren't a total asshole, I think seeing them happy like that would add to your viewing experience."  
  
She let out a long, deep sigh. "For the moment, it doesn't seem like things are going to change, but I want all of you McDanno shippers out there to know that you were right and that I'm on your side. And remember that there's a lot of stuff that you don't see, even if some stuff slips through, like that whole 'pick a base' comment. The next time I'm in some scene with just Chin, know that Steve and Danny are probably off making out in Steve's office." She chuckled to herself, remembering a lot of things that would take too long to explain to the people watching this tape after it got leaked. "You wouldn't believe the number of times I walked in on them doing that."  
  
Kono composed herself, wiping away all traces of amusement. "Anyway, I should probably get back to work soon, before my cue comes. See you then."  
  
Bob shut off the camera, and she returned to the spot she was supposed to stand in for the next scene. When the scene came, she played her part perfectly, and she convincingly swallowed the bit of irritation she felt when Lou, with a roll of his eyes that was not captured on camera, delivered his line about Danny going on vacation with Melissa as an explanation for the viewers wondering why Danny hadn't shown up in this episode yet. The camera flashed to Steve, and his face revealed a bit of pain at the mention of Danny/Melissa. Steve bravely soldiered on and delivered his lines about their case of the week. Unseen by the camera, Kono shot a sympathetic look at her boss for having to pretend that his boyfriend was dating someone else. Steve and Danny had the toughest jobs on this show, and Kono was grateful that she wasn't in their position.  
  
_Someday, they'll be allowed to be together without all this bullshit,_ Kono thought. Hopefully sooner rather than later, because Kono wasn't sure how much more of this falsehood she could stand. Bob was planning to leak the tape they had just made after the next episode aired, even if he did end up losing his job over it. If the fan reaction to Steve/Danny was positive, surely that would convince Lenkov and CBS to just show the truth instead of making Steve and Danny lie to the viewers about their relationship all the damn time.  
  
_Someday,_ Kono told herself again. The camera panned back to her, and the idea that this nightmare of deception would eventually be over made her smile seem a little more genuine when she exchanged a bit of banter with Chin. _Someday soon_.


End file.
